Monday, October 13, 2008


It’s time to wake up and face reality and the world, but first I know I’ve got to choose which world I will face. Will it be Manhattan and be one of Manhattan’s Elite or just be an ordinary lady around the corners of Brooklyn?

 I’ve been very quiet about everything, hiding it all inside and dealing with it all alone. How hard is it to feel the burden and carry it for such a long time and all you can think is how you will let it out. The world has fallen apart and broken into pieces and I don’t have any weapon but strong faith and hope. Hope for things to be better and be able to live life quiet and simple, strong faith for I know only Him can fully understand.

 We’re all empty handed at that point without anyone to turn to but ourselves. Each of us have felt all of the hatred that the world can even share, all of the agony that the world can give and the extreme anger that each of us can let go. Love and respect is not a part of everything anymore, it’s lost and forgotten. Despite of the issues, I still keep my heads up and pretend everything’s alright whenever I’m with my so called friends. Just like little J, I’m afraid of losing everyone but I didn’t think of that real friends will stay whatever will it be.

 Time flies and I felt that I’m going on a rollercoaster ride, things got out of hand and maybe I have forgotten that I don’t belong to the Upper East Side. I’ve spent most of my time with all of them and it drained everything, not that I need to give up some things. As little V shouts “it’s everything you have and now nothings left, what they have are excess”. Sadly, I didn’t listen because I’m having fun and forgetting the sad part.

 I woke up one day without knowing that it will the worst day of my entire life because a scandal awaits me. Gossip Girl visited Brooklyn once again and took everything and left nothing but a lesson. I’ve seen the worst and it hurt not only me but everyone else. How will I fix this? How will I be able to get up again? Since my best friend is not a best friend after all, I have to learn to accept it before she ruined everything that’s left of me. I bet she is happy where she is now because I know she’s very good at one thing and it’s not art but being a plastic.

 This is what GG has left for me to learn, woke me up to face a reality; not all best friends are best after all. And now, things are going well and sadly I can’t be with my family to spend every single happy moment they are sharing right now. I know that in time everything will just be great and thanks to Him for being there keep guiding me.

 Now I’ve made a choice and face the world where I belong. It’s good to have few but loyal and true.

 How about you? Where is it gonna be, Manhattan or Brooklyn?



14 hours

 It’s September 28, 2008 at 5:45 in the afternoon and the bus had a stopover at a certain gasoline station for the people to use the lavatory. The bus is the same with the normal one but the difference is that it doesn’t have any inclining chairs as what we normally see; but bank beds. Bank beds that would only fit your whole body from edge to edge, it has a blue cushion that is a little bit filthy, mini tattered pillow and a blanket that I don’t know if it’s clean or not. In front of me is a small television with just limited channel to watch and beside me is the window with an off white embroidered curtain. Departure time was 9:30 in the morning going to Nanning City and I didn’t know what to expect yet at that moment, and my boss who is beside me keeps talking about “experience” but he is really annoying. Since last night, I really can’t understand everything he said and he keeps telling me about the “old side” which made me think if there’s a new side. The culture word that keeps coming out in his mouth that for him this is what I have to accept to make my life easier here in China, but nothing makes sense at all.

 At this point, I don’t know where are we neither the two girls who are helping me out most of the time since all of the passengers are locals. We are kind of practicing “charade” because I can’t understand what they are saying. The sun is slowly setting and all I can see are trees, farmers and nothing else.

 The first stop was at a certain restaurant corner with a mini store. We had a stopover at around 12:30pm for lunch and lavatory use. Even if I don’t want to use the lavatory I had no choice because I’m already at the peak of needing to use it. So I went with the girls and the lavatory is terrible, if there will be a word that is worst than terrible then that’s the best way to describe it. I don’t want to elaborate it further because you might get nauseous while imagining it.

I’m just killing time watching gossip girl because I’m having back aches already and so my neck from just staring outside. I’m already hungry and my taste buds are already numb from the taste of the mini bread I brought. Of course I didn’t drink water at all to prevent me from using any of the lavatories. According to them the manager of the shop will meet me at the bus stop and bring me to the hotel where I will stay for 3 days.



Tuesday, September 23, 2008

one way ticket

The alarm went off at 8:45am and even if I’m still half asleep I jumped out of bed and pick out the clothes I planned to wear this day. My favorite black Victorian top with frills on the side paired with Lord Maturan’s elf skirt and yellow bow tie flats. Today I will have lunch with my family for the last time; I know that I only have 4 hours to fix last minute details before my flight. Lunch will be at North Park CafĂ© at Greenhills since it will be the nearest; this is also the second time that I’ll be seeing my mom and have lunch with her. After lunch, I and my brother went straight to Mango Trinoma to get and leave some documents and I just hope the traffic would be just fine because we are running out of time. In the car I’m fixing some of my things still, counting money and arranging the last minute bills.

Everything is fine now and I know that I’m ready to go, holding my ticket on hand, still I can’t believe that I only have a one way ticket to China. My heart is pounding and I just keep looking at my phone waiting for Andrea text. I can’t seem to look at my family as I talk to them because I know that I’ll be teary eyed. My dad keeps giving me instructions being afraid that I’d be lost on my way since it is my first time to travel alone.  From afar I can already see people bidding goodbye as well as those who are carrying luggage heading to the “entrance “sign. This is it the time, I went down the car holding my one way ticket and on the other hand my luggage. As my dad gave me the trolley I don’t know what to say and feel; I just turn my head and say goodbye and walked fast towards the entrance.

I just felt how hard it is to bid goodbye to the people who’s been with you your entire life. No matter how many ugly moments you’ve shared and hatred you’ve felt, it all fades away and all you can feel is the love for them. They’ve been very supportive in any ways especially my dad whom I will miss the most. As I always say that I can’t live without my brother by my side but I’m wrong because it’s not just him but it’s the whole family.

I’m an hour away from the boarding time, walking pretty fast towards the counter to get my boarding pass. I have my luggage on my right hand, tote bag on my other hand with my Belle de Jour planner clamped between my fingers. The area is a little bit packed with people from around the world and all you can hear is foreign words. I felt excited as I got my boarding pass because the lady granted me the window side seat. But on the other hand I have to hand carried my other luggage because I went over the allowed weight. I just thought that I could walk freely and relaxed with just my tote bag and planner with me. Both of my phone’s battery is quite getting low already and since it is already 15 minutes away I chose to go straight to Gate 2 and wait in line.

Waiting and waiting and waiting. Lots of Filipinos are also inline with me and maybe some of them are just like me holding their one way ticket. Quite sad isn’t it but I know this is really a big challenge for me physically, emotionally and spiritually. While in line, thoughts are going in and out of my mind. Seeing those kids around the corner dressed up casually with their flip flops on and tattoos all over their body made me think that if they can be that independent why can’t I? This is my first time for me to be away from home and it’s like a new beginning awaits me from the other side of the world.

“Passengers for flight PR 306 please proceed to the gate entrance now” as the operator announce, at last the gate is open and I am a little bit excited too. While walking I’m wishing that I won’t have seatmates so it will more comfortable and at the same time I already want to sit and rest.

At long last this is the plane and it is a 747 that’s why it is pretty big. I need to put my luggage on the top counter and thanks to Chito, the steward who helped me. The flight was delayed for 30 minutes due to some problems with the engine that’s why the air condition isn’t working well. I put my big turquoise shades on and doze off for a while…

The announcement of the stewardess to put the seatbelt on woke me up and I can already feel the plane moving, heading towards the lane. Again for the second time around as the plane stabilized, I asked Chito’s help if he could get me a fashion magazine. He got curious and asked me if I am a fashion designer and we had a little chit chat, good for me I got a Metro Magazine. He did put a big smile on my face because I am already getting a little bit bored just staring at the window.  After a little while food is served, I chose to have fish than chicken for a healthier option. Steamed fish in white sauce with vegetables on the side, salad for starter and a cheesecake for dessert is what I had for dinner.

As the clock turn its hands at 5:00 PM, we are about to land at the Hong Kong airport. It is very different now from the first time I went there about 10 years ago and as I can remember the red cabs that I saw from the plane is nowhere to be found now. As instructed I have to take the bus from the airport then it will lead me to the ferry which will be my second ride to Shenzhen. Luckily, the lady from the ticket booth lead me to their Sky Limo service which has the same rate from the bus and ferry ride but more convenient. It will drop at the hotel’s doorstep; the car isn’t literally a limo service but a Toyota Innova that is brand new.

It’s already 7PM when I arrived at the Hotel Inn where I was booked by the company. Went to the front desk and asked for my room and key card, gladly they understood me. My room number is 5160, it is next to the elevator and has 2 beds; funny thing is the only divider of the bathroom and the bedroom is a thin curtain. The shower area is made out of see through glass with a built in shower head and heater, very simple but aesthetically inclined. Same with the lavatory but here the glass is etched and translucent. The television is quite good but sadly it only has Chinese channels which I don’t have a choice but watch it because I will be bored to death if I don’t.

Dinner is skipped for tonight because all I wanted to do is rest my body from the long travel I had. Andrea and already sent their hellos and they don’t want to say goodbye earlier that’s why they didn’t kept in touch. Also I informed my Dad and Candance (Finance Officer of Mango China) that I’m already in the hotel and was about to rest soon.

I sent my last messages for them for the day, dimmed off the lights and left the television on as I close my eyes to sleep…